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Stay Away From Big Cats!
Once upon a time when I was about 1 year old.....It was a beautiful day as always in South Beach and I was hanging outside chasing lizards. I'm so glad I live in South Florida because chasing lizards is my favorite thing to do. The junior pack members (mom + dad) were in our condo courtyard enjoying a cool cocktail of Jack Daniels on ice with a splash of diet ginger ale. I was quite peeved that I was not enjoying my fave cocktail of Hennessy straight up (see I'm French). They said I had to wait until I am 3 years old to be of drinking age, bummer.
So I ventured off to the lot next door that was under construction and a big black striped cat with a mask on had a bucket load of babies in the sub-flooring of the new building. Those babies are soooo cute and I had never seen cats quite like this before. They were all lined up and peaking their heads out of the bottom of the floor and there were at least 10 of them. Well, I don't have a good time with cats, see most are bigger than me and they walk around very suspiciously and climb trees. But once I holler at them, they take off running!
So I decided that I didn't like so many cats living next door and being the Dickie that I am, I was going to give them an eviction notice. When I got closer in I realized these cats were A LOT BIGGER than the other cats around and they had long black claws, uh oh... Oh NO! What is going on!!! AhhAHHH, that mamma RACCOON is swiping those claws at my face! Oh NOOOO!!! She's coming after me fast, ahhh, she's right up my ass, it's going to be the end of me!!! I gotta run, I gotta run FASTER, help HELP !!!! Oh man, I pissed on myself, I hope no one finds out.. oh no, the juniors see me, they must know because they are yelling and bringing out the hose.
Moral of the story... stay far away from cats with black masks because they are not really cats, they are raccoons!
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