Stories to Share
33 post(s)
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Tue 31 Jul 2007 08:42AM PDT
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:
"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
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Fri 31 Aug 2007 07:28AM PDT
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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Single, black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call xxx - xxx- xxxx and ask for Molly, I'll be waiting....
This was a rescued black lab mix in need of a home--what were YOU thinking?? ! The ad drew record responses ;-D
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353 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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Why some men have dog(s), (not wives)
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't care if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lots of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs likely to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet, car, or desk.
7. You never wait for a dog to get ready ~ they're ready to go 24/7.
8. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
9. Dogs love to go hunting and fishing, and roll around in smelly stuff.
10. A dog will not wake you up to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
11. A dog will wear a studded collar and/or leather without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck, and don't care if their hair gets messed up.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half (or more) of your stuff.
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346 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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From: The Dog
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1 . I will not eat cat food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead fish, deer & rabbit poop, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The litter box is not a cookie/candy jar.
4. The sofa is not a face towel.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my hiney.
12. The cat is not a squeaky toy ~ when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
PS ~ When I get to heaven may I please have my marbles back?
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346 days ago
sanchodixie
139 post(s)
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Love those stories. Only one thing, my dogs do mind when I come home smelling like other dogs.
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345 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog." "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work." The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to search. Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Say, that's pretty neat," replies the passenger. Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number." "Wow, THAT's amazing!!" says his seat mate. The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The passenger is really grossed out and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?" The agent nervously replied, "Oh no! He just found a bomb!
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345 days ago
TiaTheDog
2 post(s)
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I am still laughing...thanks for sharing the funnies!
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345 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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tissue alert ~ A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course sir, Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
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345 days ago
haasmoredarl...
120 post(s)
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awww.... that is a good one!
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345 days ago
sanchodixie
139 post(s)
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Very sweet. How true it is. Never trust anyone who doesn't accept your loyal friends.
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304 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To Non-Pet Owners Who Visit (& Complain About Our Pets)
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to borrow the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
(of course this one is a JOKE, b/c we all S&N!)
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302 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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The One Absolutely Unselfish Friend by Senator Vest
The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous…is his dog.
A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and sickness.
He will sleep on the cold ground where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side.
He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world.
He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert he remains.
When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces,
he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.
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282 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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Wanda's dishwasher quit working, she called a repairman. Since she had to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." "Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO THE PARROT!!!"
The repairman arrives at Wanda's apartment, he discovers the biggest, meanest looking bull dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't
contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Sic 'em, Spike!"
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266 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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The next time someone asks you a crazy question, wouldn't you like to
respond like this?
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of XXX dog chow for my
wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. The woman behind me
asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So
since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the XXX diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with XXX nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind
her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
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265 days ago
NicoleMarcelle
59 post(s)
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Thanks Tina! those were awesome... i'm at work reading these and especially that last one had me laughing so hard!!
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262 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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Forgotten Dog's Christmas ~ author unknown (tissue alert)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nick soon would be there
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
No thoughts of dogs filling their heads
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap
Knew he was cold, but didn't care about that
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Figuring the dog was free of his chain and into the trash
The moon on the crest of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Santa Claus - with eyes full of tears
He unchained the dog (once so lively and quick)
Last year's Christmas present (cold, thin and sick)
More rapid than eagles he called the dog's name
And the dog ran to him, despite all his pain
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Let's find this dog a home where he'll be loved by all"
I knew in an instant there would be no gifts this year
For Santa Claus had made one thing quite clear
The gift of a dog is not just for the season
We had gotten the pup for all the wrong reasons
In our haste to think of the kids a gift
There was one important thing that we missed
A dog should be family, and cared for the same
You don't give a gift, then put it on a chain
And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight
"You weren't given a gift! You were given a LIFE!"
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255 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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If I Didn't Have a Dog .....
I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through
fuzzy bodies that beat me there.
I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, without taking
into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
I would not have strange presents under my Christmas tree -- dog bones,
stuffed animals, treats; nor would I have to explain to people why I wrap them.
I would not be on a first-name basis with four veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grandkids through college.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down,
come, no, wait, and leave him/her/it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.
My house would not look like a day care center, toys everywhere.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra lead.
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I'd look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading "mud" season.
I would not have to answer the question "Why do you have so many
animals?" from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing
they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an angel as they will
ever get.
How EMPTY my life would be.
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255 days ago
sanchodixie
139 post(s)
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Thanks for sharing that one. I can relate so much. We just bought a king size bed to make more room for the precious ones. I have been vacuming leaves for a month and even though we are in a severe drought I dread the big sheet in the floor and the muddy kithen and all the foot cleaning. But, oh how empty the house would be without these things and all the funny things they do. But the best for me is when you catch one of them just looking at you for no reason except to show you love.
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255 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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A Dog's Purpose from a 6 year old's perspective
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish
Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their
little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping
for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told
the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the
euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good
for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane
might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family
surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last
time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few
minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept
Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together
for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that
animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we
all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never
heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they
can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and
being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know
how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
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255 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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If a dogs were teachers, you would learn things like:
Live simply ~ Love generously ~ Care deeply ~ Speak kindly
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them ~ Never pass up the opportunity
to go for a joyride ~ Allow the experience of fresh air (and maybe something smelly upwind)
or the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy~ Take naps ~ Stretch before rising ~ Run, romp,
and play daily ~ Thrive on attention and let people touch you ~ Avoid biting when a simple growl
will do ~ On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass ~ On hot days, drink lots of water
and lie under a shady tree ~ When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body ~ Delight
in the simple joy of a long walk ~ Be loyal ~ Never pretend to be something you're not ~ If what
you want lies buried, dig until you find it ~ When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by,
and nuzzle them gently....bascially, just enjoy every moment of every day!
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251 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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Ode to the Dog Lover ~ Author Unknown
My dogs live here, they're here to stay
You don't like pets? Be on your way
They share my home, my food, my space
This is their home, this is their place
You will find dog hair on the floor
They will alert you're at the door
They may request a little pat
A simple 'NO' will settle that
It gripes me when I hear you say
'Just how is it you live this way
They smell, they shed, they're in the way
WHO ASKED YOU? is all I can say
They love me more than anyone
My voice is like the rising sun
They merely have to hear me say
C'mon, time to go and play
Then tails wag and faces grin
They bounce and hop and make a din
They never say, No time for you
They're always there, to GO and DO
And if I'm sad, they're by my side
And if I'm mad, they circle wide
And if I laugh, they laugh with me
They understand, they always see
So, once again, I say to you
Come visit me, but know this too...
My dogs live here, they're here to stay
You don't like pets? Be on your way
They share my home, my food, my space
*This is THEIR home, this is THEIR place*
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248 days ago
ShepGrl182
46 post(s)
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wow these are all very great stories, I like the one of the little kid explaining why dogs dont live as long as we do, Its very true :)
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248 days ago
ShepGrl182
46 post(s)
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wow these are all very great stories, I like the one of the little kid explaining why dogs dont live as long as we do, Its very true :)
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245 days ago
NadiaWebber
237 post(s)
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Here is a phrase I tell my husband when he thinks I pay more attn. to my doglets then him.."Dogs are thicker than water"
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244 days ago
TinaValant
840 post(s)
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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog
comes to my house for a nap. "The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:
"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
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